Another blog linked to my Switching from Raw Vegan Diet to the Paleolithic Diet post, so I went there to see who it was and thank them.

I came across the following comment, which referred to that post, and I was taken aback. I was hurt by this person’s comment, because it was like I had offered my soul out there to the public and someone I didn’t even know slashed it with a knife:

I’m sorry- I can’t get past the Starbuck’s Mochas and food stamps. Trying to not start my day being judgemental. Trying. Trying.

All I can say is she wasn’t trying too hard.

What you're doing is wrong!

I think you get my drift.

It’s easy to rush to judgment, but is it wise? Of all the things the person above could have taken from my post and video, she chose to focus on those things she disapproved of. Without even knowing me or my circumstances or how far I’ve come in life.

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. –Carl Gustav Jung

Finding fault with others makes us feel better about ourselves. When you realize that you are no better than the next person, then compassion can enter in.

I am a smoker.
I am a caffeine addict.
I am an alcoholic.
I am a negative person.
I am a Christian.
I am a Starbuck’s Mocha addict.
I am a foodstamp recipient.

I am not those things, and I am those things, because I am the sum of all that I was, and I am what I will be. I am a work in progress. But my spirit is perfect and eternal and seeks to overcome the limits of matter and the tugs to my flesh.

I’m not any different. I judge all the time. And I forgive myself for judging. And while I was hurt by this woman’s comment, I am grateful for it as well. Because today she is my teacher and reminds me not to judge others.

Additional reading:
Spelling Tip: Judgment or Judgement? You Be the Judge
Refuse to Condemn Yourself or Feel Guilty for Your Mistakes

That’s right. Monday I drove to the restaurant, handed my apron to the banquet manager and said, “I’m throwing in the towel.” Her response? “Okay.” That was it. No exit interview, no follow-up call by the general manager. (I understand they go through a lot of help there.)

The last time I worked was Sunday night. I arrived at 3:45, helped prep for dinner, served two tables, helped clean up and reset the dining room for lunch, and left around 8:30. I made $30 in tips, gave $3 to the busboy (who spent entirely too much time talking to the pretty hostess while I helped him do his job) and $1 to the bartender. I earned $2.83 per hour wages. So for almost five hours’ work, I made $39, was yelled at, scorned, and ignored, and my right lower leg is injured.

I can’t tell you how happy I am to quit that crappy-ass job. What a bunch of impatient, miserable people who begrudged helping others and seemed to always want to find fault. Actually, the two new hires I met were friendly and helpful, and there was one server named Krissy who was such a sweetheart, always willing to explain things or help in any way. The staff ignored Krissy for six months after she was hired.

I didn’t come to the planet to be miserable, though I’ve had my fair share of misery. I want to be happy. And I believe we’re all here for a reason.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. –Henry David Thoreau

In speaking with my preacher friend Phil, he reminds me that my “steps are ordered of the Lord” and that God gives me the desires of my heart. I don’t follow Phil’s brand of faith, but this philosophy is in line with New Thought literature, which teaches that we are local manifestations of an omnipresent Intelligence. This Intelligence directs creation through the thoughts of its local manifestations. That’s you and me (and maybe dolphins and elephants, too, who knows). Meaning we are that Intelligence, not a created species living under sin subordinate to a dictatorial father.

In other words, the desires that well within you for creativity, compassion, love, and service are the drives of this Intelligence seeking to evolve. These desires must and will be filled. It’s the old Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow routine.

Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich says that to be successful we must burn our bridges and commit wholly to our chosen path, and in doing so we can’t help but succeed.

One of the cooks told me I should stick around because the club was so busy in winter that I could make $300 a day in tips. Money’s a wonderful thing, and I want a lot of it. But I won’t trade my soul or my happiness for it. I’ve already lost everything that most people value: business, home, car, credit rating. I’d rather sell everything I have to buy time to start another business than do another day in work hell.

The hardest part is figuring out what to do. I thought I’d like to be an actress, but I have no interest in living in congested Hollywood or dealing with a host of egos. Another desire I have recently developed is to have a chicken farm where I can raise pasture-fed chickens and eggs. I’m having a really hard time finding these locally, so there’s definitely a need. And nature, quiet, and healthy food have become very important to me.

But my true love is teaching people, so I’ll be coming up with some information products to help others improve their health and find more meaning in life. Then people can trade their money for my time and we will both win. That’s good business.

When I was selling books in Oregon and learning about manifestation, I decided I wanted to become rich. So I worked at trying to allow the universe to increase my sales and my income by selling more books.

However, I hated the book business, hated packing books, hated listing them, hated the whole thing. Just sick of it. Sick of the greed, of the constant adapting to circumstances to survive.

Then one day after reading a book, enlightenment came. I realized that I was restricting the flow of wealth through a certain conduit (books), like electricity flows along a particular wire or a radio plays on a certain frequency.

On the one hand I was telling the universe to “make me rich through my business,” and on the other, “I don’t want to pack any books.” Needless to say, I was treading water. This was completely fear-based, because if I gave up the book business, then what would I do???

I decided then that I would no longer restrict the channel of income. I wouldn’t decide how it would come to me. Then a vendor charged $5,000 on an old credit card on file, taking me $4500 over my limit. That’s when I first considered bankruptcy. Then the IRS came in, I had to shut down the business, gave up the house and everything else, and here I am in Pennsylvania.

Was it the end of the world? No, not at all. I got a completely fresh start and a lot of time to think and set priorities, focus on me, what’s wrong with my thinking, what I really want to do, work on character defects that need changing, a slew of things that I used my work to distract me from. I took the time to invest all that energy into ME instead of into a business. My personal evolution is far more important to me than the success of any business.

I can tell you this: The Universe, God, the Infinite, the All That Is, the Cosmic Consciousness, whatever you want to call the designing personal (or impersonal, if you like) intelligence that forms and enlivens all life is always moving toward happiness, love, fulfillment and evolution. We just need to align ourselves with that intent.

Fear is useful if you’re being chased by a lion or walking home late at night through a bad neighborhood. It’s no good otherwise. It represents a complete distrust in your own power to create and in the universe that sustains you.

And I can tell you from personal experience, fear and worry are a COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. They accomplish NOTHING but they do poison the body and spirit. Giving up all thoughts of worry or fear is the single greatest accomplishment in my life.

I’ve set my intention to be wealthy, to help others, and lately to be an actress. My mind wonders, “How can I become an actress? I have no money? Los Angeles is a long way away. I can’t afford to go to school. There’s so much competition.”

I don’t concern myself anymore with all the details. The Cosmic Consciousness knows the best path because it exists outside of time and space. I trust that path to lay out before me in the proper time. Intuition will guide me. Doors will open.

I’m learning patience. I’m learning how to delay gratification and enjoy today. And I’ve learned that I don’t have to have money to be happy. So I have released the emotionally pressing “need” for money. When I really need it, it shows up.

I’ve been a member of a discussion board for eight years. Recently, one of the members, Shane, died at a very young age.

In the thread about Shane’s death, many have posted how they knew him, met with him, spoke with him, liked him, respected his knowledge and appreciated his generosity. We don’t know why he died. Suicide is suspected or at least some mental health problem.

But one member of the group, Russ, enjoys being a goad and getting others riled, and he’s known for it. Most consider Russ to be a troll. He left a sarcastic remark in the thread and offended many people. Their responses were along the lines of, “Let’s have some respect,” “Take it somewhere else,” “You’re a horrible, pathetic person, “You’re completely lacking in compassion and integrity.”

I’m certain to rebel any time society expects me to behave in a particular way. “Someone has died: speak in hushed tones, bow your head, show respect.” The question that comes to my mind is, “Why? Why must I respond like you?”

Folks, people are dying all over the planet this very minute. Why is this one death so deserving of respect? Is it because it’s someone we knew? Is it because he died so young? Is it because we don’t know the cause of death? That it might have been a suicide? Yes, it’s close to home and so we react with shock.

The irony is that many people clamoring for respect were the same people being very disrespectful to Russ. They posted really ugly things about and to him, far more ugly than what he posted in the thread.

Did they hate Russ because of what he posted? Or because he wouldn’t show the proper respect, respect they felt the dead and bereaved deserved? Did they hate him because he wouldn’t comply with the mob mentality but flew in the face of it? That he was irreverent?

I posted my views on what was happening in the thread, and many people accused me of sticking up for the trouble maker. When I pointed out their hypocrisy, they wanted me to condemn Russ as well. Only that would validate my viewpoint. Here I was being pressured to conform, to join the mob and condemn Russ.

Why should I condemn him? He wasn’t being a hypocrite like the others. He wasn’t being cruel or insulting, just irreverent. But now I was being lumped with him because I wouldn’t join the crowd. As far as I’m concerned, he has every right to post whatever he wants on a public discussion board. And others have every right to condemn him if they want.

What I tried to address was the hypocrisy of others accusing Russ of being ugly but being ugly themselves toward Russ. They blamed Russ for muddying the waters, but his pebble thrown in the pool didn’t compare to their traipsing into the pool to try to retrieve it. I object to others requiring that everyone view the event the same way or react in the same manner. I object to mob pressure to conform.

Everyone’s experience is unique. We all view reality differently. We all deserve the right to speak our reality without hatred and condemnation. And we all deserve the right to respectfully disagree with others.

There is no one “correct” view. At best we may reach consensus. But when we start allowing others to express themselves, even when it is distasteful, then we can release the burden of trying to force others to comply with our viewpoints. This is true freedom.

There was no reason for Russ to try to stir up the crowd of people who were shocked at the loss of one of their members. No reason in my mind. But I’m sure Russ had a reason. I won’t assume what it might be. I will just ignore him because his contribution didn’t seem relevant.

I’ve been having trouble getting a decent night’s sleep since moving to PA. My neighbors seem rather whacked to me. Two days ago we had a heavy snowstorm, and my neighbor’s kids across the street cleared the snow with their gas-powered snow blower–at 11:15 p.m.! They worked for about an hour. A couple times I started to drop off to sleep but jolted awake when one of the kids yelled to the other.

Finally, I went to the front window and watched them for a while, willing the blower to break or run out of gas. Not nice, I know, but I actually tried to go to bed early for a change. Then the blower stopped working. The kid pulled on the starter cord about 20 times before thinking to look into the gas tank, whereupon he yelled, “That’s why it won’t work! It’s out of gas!” DUH. I went to bed at 11 p.m. but didn’t get to sleep until 1 a.m.

The neighbor across the street to the right also snowblows after 10 p.m.

I had to say something to my next-door neighbor when he was shoveling his backyard sidewalk at 3:30 a.m. outside my bedroom window. Now he waits until 7 a.m.

The neighbor across the street and two houses to the left is apparently missing the button for his car alarm or there’s something wrong with it. He can open the door with a remote, but he has to turn the alarm off from inside. So he presses a button as he approaches the car, :::honk::: :::honk::: :::honk::: gets inside :::honk::: :::honk::: :::honk::: and turns off the alarm.

A woman four houses down across the street came home from the bar around the corner at 1:30 a.m. She was accompanied by three friends. They yelled at one another as they walked down the street, and then they yelled in her front yard for ten minutes. They must think they’re the only people on the planet. I heard last night from an acquaintance that it’s a crack bar, which would explain the man asking as I walked past one night, “Want to buy?”

Many cars come by to pick up friends who live across the street. They never park the car and knock. They all :::honk::: :::honk::: :::hoooooooonk::: :::hoooooooooonk::: :::honk::: :::honk::: until their friend comes out. Even at 11:30 p.m. And then often the friend sticks his head out the door and yells to be heard over the motor: “Hold on, dude!”

I feel like I’ve landed in the land of ignorance and self-centeredness, and I’ve been trying to find a way to accept it and let it wash over me instead of anger me. I’m so very tired. I’m tired of entering into that fuzzy state between wakefulness and sleep only to be pulled violently back by the shout of a neighbor or honk of a horn. I’ve even entertained fantasies of walking out with my gun and blowing people’s heads off.

While reading Matrix Energetics yesterday I came across a statement that might help me:

I told him that he needed to turn that frustration into fascination, which would keep him in a more resourceful state.

So can I find fascination in the behavior of my neighbors? It’s worth a try. It’s better than fantasizing shooting them.

Here’s a great video by Robert Anton Wilson on Naive Realism. It’s a little over two minutes but quite worth watching and thinking about.

In the past I’ve been easily irritated over tedious tasks that I had to finish so I could get to what I really wanted to do, whatever that was. Anything standing between me and my desired goal was a potential irritant.

You know what I’m talking about. You need only one more staple and you’re done for the day, but your stapler is out and the supply cabinet is in another office and you have to get the key!

Yesterday I walked six blocks to Starbucks Coffee House, where I enjoy a hot mocha, a good book in a comfy chair, and the ambience and energy of other people. It had been snowing most of the morning and the day before, and many people hadn’t yet cleared their walks, so walking was work and the snow was falling in my face. I felt an urgency to pick up my pace to get quickly to the coffee shop.

I had that morning been reading The Power of Concentration (which I have just uploaded to the free library), so I decided to let go of the destination as the goal and concentrate on enjoying the walk. I had, in effect, made time my ally instead of my foe.

My thoughts came and went without my grasping at any. I concentrated on what it felt like being in my body, feeling the uneven snow underfoot, the cold flakes melting on my face, the light breeze against my cheeks, the song of birds, the coldness of my hands in my gloves, my heartbeat and breath.

With no pressure of getting to the destination and no attitude that the snow was a hindrance, I thoroughly enjoyed the walk.

Enjoy the Task at Hand

It’s easy when we’re feeling stress to rush through things that need to get done. But all of life consists of needing to get things done. And if we say, “This has value to me; I will enjoy it” as contrasted to “I don’t want to do this; I hate it,” then we compartmentalize our lives into pleasure and pain. We lose the joy of simply being alive.

Concentrate on one thing at a time. Enjoy it. Be in the moment. Don’t think about the future. When thoughts of the past creep in, take note of them and let them go, and return to the task at hand.

Just appreciate your physical capacity and think of your connection to Source. With time this will become a habit, mundane chores will become enjoyable, and you’ll discard irritation for the wasteful and harmful emotion that it is.

And here’s Paige, a young girl I met who is ten years old, wants to be a “successful obstetrician” and has a lizard tongue.

What are you going to do this year? Are you going to make it a magical year? Or just another year? Another year older. More of the same.

You could begin designing your life and materializing your dreams. Or you could just keep doing what you’ve been doing.

This year you could get to know yourself better and jettison aspects of your personality that no longer serve you. Or you could be defensive and refuse to look at yourself for fear you won’t like what you see and remain the same person you’ve always been with the same results you’ve always gotten.

You could start a business, begin an important relationship, get a fulfilling job, release a harmful habit, develop and give to others the gift that lies dormant within you, pay off your debt and begin saving, develop your intuition and spirituality.

Or you could just plod on and let worry, fear, opinion of others or the economy dictate what you can and cannot do. You could be a victim of your times or circumstances.

This year is magical.

This year is powerful.

This is my year. And it could be your year, too.

This is the year you could grow the most and start moving your dreams from your mind to your life. All it takes is choice. You choose one way or the other. You choose to grow or you choose to remain as you are.

How’s it working so far?

Don’t think for a minute that circumstance makes the man. Man makes the circumstance! — U.S. Andersen

When you set off on a trip, you map out the roads you’re going to take, gather what you need and you go. You don’t second guess yourself and head back home because you hit a detour or roadblock. You find a way around it. You are confident in your map and your ability to follow it.

Why should life be any different? If you don’t have a map or a destination, you’re not really going anywhere, are you?

Last year was one of the hardest in my life. I was worried sick about my business and finances. I owed a lot of money and people were constantly calling asking for it. I was afraid of the phone! and changed my phone number because I couldn’t take the pressure anymore.

I had trouble sleeping and my health suffered from the stress. I lost my business, my home, my RV, my car, and my social support and moved across the country with ten cats. I went from a 2,900 square foot home with an 1,100 square foot finished shop on ten acres just outside Eugene, Oregon to a dumpy (but cheap) flat in Erie, Pennsylvania.

So don’t think I don’t know what some of you are going through.

Right now I have enough money to buy a couple hot mochas at Starbucks. I have enough cat litter and raw rabbit, turkey and chicken for my cats to last three weeks. I have food in my refrigerator for a week, a warm apartment, and a great coat and warm pair of boots for walking in the snow. I have access to a car should I need it. I have one friend in Erie and the rest can be counted on one hand.

But I have my laptop and I have you and I have my connection to Source. I have chosen as my target audience those who want to grow and improve their lives and are willing to do the work. No more victims or whiners for me. I don’t want to write to them or about them, and I don’t want them around me.

Since arriving here I’ve spent most of my time reading books on New Thought. I’ve written out my roadmap and started on my journey. I’ve had some amazing manifestations. I wrote about one of them yesterday.

I’ve made some major decisions about who I want to be. As a result, I’ve learned some very unpleasant things about myself that I needed to learn so I could let them go.

Now I could choose to be lonely. I could choose to worry about money. I could choose to feel sorry for myself and whine and mope. I could choose to think that losing everything was the worst thing that happened to me. I could play the role of victim.

But I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. And I am so grateful.

Yes, I get worried thoughts that jump into my head all the time, but I do my best to ignore them. They will eventually die the death of neglect. I choose which thoughts get to take up residence. This is the true law of attraction. And I’ll be teaching you how to do that as well.

When I was honorably discharged from the Army in 1983, a good friend gave me the picture below. Now, almost 26 years later, I finally know how to do it.

Who will join me on this wonderful adventure that is 2009?

I once played tennis with a man who berated himself after every missed or faulty hit. “You idiot!” “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” “How could you miss that?” “Dummy!” What was supposed to be a game of fun was an exercise in self-condemnation. He wasn’t even aware of it; it was a conditioned response, perhaps taught to him by his parents. He would never talk that way to someone else.

We screw up and say “I can’t believe I did that! How stupid of me. I’m so embarrassed. My, what a wretch I am.” And I don’t think we’re embarrassed because of the mistake itself. I mean, if no one knew, would we feel as bad? It’s because of how people will judge and condemn us, reject us. We will be unlovable. But you would have to be perfect to not make any mistakes.

Mistakes are Neither Good nor Bad

I remember a story about an employee who lost his company a million dollars. When the boss called him into the office the employee said, “I suppose you’re going to fire me.” The boss exclaimed, “Fire you? I just paid a million dollars to train you!”

What would happen if we were to stop judging our mistakes as good or bad? If we removed all emotional weight from them, all condemnation? We would be in a much better position to view the mistake from all angles. We could consider better choices we could have made. We could actually learn from the mistake and not repeat it.

Society holds us accountable for our mistakes. It wants us to suffer. And so we accept that, judge ourselves poorly, and carry around needless, deadly guilt. Or we try to dismiss the mistake (without learning from it) by refusing to take ownership of it. “Yes, I made the mistake, but it was because so-and-so….” It takes a lot of energy to lie to ourselves which creates resistance in our body and soul.

In The Four Agreements the author rightly says that animals in nature pay for their mistakes once but humans pay over and over. First we remind ourselves repeatedly of our stupidity, and then our friends and loved ones throw our mistakes back in our faces.

If you have inadvertently harmed someone and it is in your power to correct what happened, to apologize, to mend, to compensate, then take responsibility and do so. Just refuse to carry guilt over your mistakes.

People Won’t Want to Let You Off the Hook

But be prepared. People aren’t going to like it. They’re going to want you to demonstrate appropriate guilt and remorse. They’ll want you to hang your head in shame and grovel for forgiveness. If you don’t, the person offended might think you weren’t really sorry, which means you aren’t really their friend or dutiful son or faithful employee. You harmed them and don’t care. To get right down to it, you have betrayed them. And they want you to hurt for a while like they hurt.

Emancipate yourself. Don’t let the demands or expectations of others cause you to condemn yourself for being human. Guilt will suppress your immune system and can make you sick. Do animals ever feel guilt? How unnatural!

One of the greatest benefits of forgiving yourself for your mistakes is that you’ll be much more forgiving of others. As they say, “What goes around, comes around.” So learn once and forgive yourself. And don’t make others pay a price for their mistakes.

Post inspired by The Power of Your Supermind.

As I lay in bed last night unable to fall asleep, I thought about the things I would have to do today. I have the distasteful task of writing a letter to my book vendors informing them that my corporation is insolvent and is now closed, and that they would receive no more money. I also had to begin the tedious work of documenting my entire inventory: a 1,100 square foot shop, about 1,200 square feet in my home, and two 15 X 30 two storage units full of boxes. I would have to open each box, count the books, seal them up again, and record them. I was dreading Monday.

I closed my business last Tuesday, packed books Tuesday and Wednesday, and then thought I’d take the rest of the week off. Just relax. Just enjoy not having to pack books. But the relief of closing this business that I’d grown to hate was replaced by knowledge that it wasn’t over yet. Now I have to figure out how to sell the books for enough money to pay off the IRS, support myself over the next couple of months and then get myself and my few belongings to the east coast.

This morning when I woke up I thought about how I had bought cat food yesterday, which I could only have done if yesterday was Saturday, because the pet food store is closed Sunday. As I lay in bed procrastinating getting up I realized that it was only Sunday. Yay! One more day of freedom! Happy happy.

We Really Screwed Things Up

For several years selling books I loved the business so much that I worked every day, even weekends. I liked weekdays better because I could go shopping and encounter far fewer people at the store or on the road. But then when I lost interest in the business and it became a burden, every day was a workday with few days off.

How did we get to the place where five days out of the week are dreaded or tolerated to get to the other two? When I was in the working world I hated Monday and most of the days following it. We’ve given Wednesday the name “hump day” because the tedious climb through the week is downhill from that day. Hump day? Makes me feel like I’m mining coal. I couldn’t wait to get to Friday night.

Evenings during the week were spent in front of the TV recuperating from the daytime boredom by entering into someone else’s fantasy. When I was younger I escaped in sci-fi or fantasy books or alcohol and sad love songs. Saturday was the day I got everything done, then Sunday was used mostly to build up dread of Monday.

A lot of people choose the weekend to enter into a drug-induced coma so that they miss its glory and end up at Monday none the better for the time off. That’s what I used to do in my twenties. Friday night was the night to enjoy life by getting completely smashed. Saturday usually involved a hangover and depressed condition. Sunday was, again, the day before Monday.

Then there’s the whole housecleaning routine. When I was a child Saturday was the day for chores. Why choose one of the few days off and then spend hours cleaning a house? You mean I have to go to school all week, and now that I don’t have to go I have to polish the furniture, vacuum the carpet, wash the windows and hedge the lawn? What happened to gathering with the tribe, eating together and dancing to drumbeats?

Do farmers dread Monday? Do those people who own a small home, grow their own food, and trade with their neighbors dread Monday?

What Have We Lost? What Have We Gained?

Have we given up five days of the week so we can have the modern appliances, cars, computers, homes, TVs, DVDs, IPODs, constant noise and stimulation? What would it be like to own a small home on a little piece of land. You could grow your own food. You could grow trees to cut and burn for heat. A few livestock, some grain and canned goods could provide sustenance through the winter months. And perhaps a loved hobby could produce goods to be traded for money to buy the other things you can’t make or do for yourself. To make some pocket change to spend at the town coffee shop visiting with your neighbors?

That’s how we used to live until the last hundred or so years. There were few corporations. People owned small businesses and traded with others. Neighbors helped neighbors. Yes, I’m sure there was hardship as well, hungry, cold nights, backbreaking work, isolation. But at the end of the day in front of the fire with your boots off, your dog at your feet, your spouse sitting beside you, was having a body capable of such work a reward in itself? Was your exhaustion that of the builder or the consumer? I know I exhaust my mind long before my body grows tired.

We have become slaves of corporate owners who pay us just enough to want more. We are brainwashed into coveting things we don’t need and needing credit to get them. Isn’t there a way to combine the conveniences of modern life with the simplicity of the small country home?

If you love your job, you are in an enviable position. If you love the city, you are most blessed in this age. Please make sure you save up enough money to care for yourself should you lose that job or grow tired of it. If you own a home, pay it off as quickly as possible.

For those who hate their work, think of ways you can get out of it. Do you work a job you hate to pay for an expensive house in the city? How much work would you have to do if you sold that house and moved to a less expensive home or city? A small business can provide income, tax writeoffs, and independence. What do you love to do? Find out what that is and figure out a way to make money from it.

I Met a Farmer Woman

I visited a farm last week owned by a single woman. She has five acres. Her main source of income is raising rabbits for food. She has two long, open-sided buildings with thousands of rabbits. I bought some for my cats. Most of her rabbits feed a local wildlife refuge. She also has a couple cows with names of restaurants (one of them was IHOP) to remind her they are food, not pets. She grows a garden and has many chickens for meat and eggs. She is mostly self-sustaining and well fed. She earns enough to pay her way, pay for her house and land, but not enough to have to pay taxes. But she owns five acres and a nice home in the country and is not far from the city. How hard would that be to duplicate?

The Price of Giving Up Our Independence

We’ve moved away from the country and given over the growing and raising of our food to corporations. And where has that gotten us? We enslave animals and house them in horrific conditions. And we eat that nastiness. Our food is grown and raised with the help of toxic chemicals that make us and the land sick. And simple fluctuations in oil cause the prices to rise or fall. We are at the mercy of others just to eat. If a catastrophe happens or transportation stops, where will you get your food?

I knew a woman who wanted to move out of the city but had to be sure she was near a major hospital. What the hell is that? That’s awful! This woman was obese with high blood pressure and arthritis and was on hormones after the doctors removed her uterus. She invited me to her home for dinner with friends and served a delicious multi-course meal that would make anyone sick over time. And she used to argue with me about health! Like she knew something about the topic. She traded independence for tastebud stimulation.

This is a modern dilemma. I doubt anybody was worried about living near a hospital a hundred years ago, unless he was a doctor, but then he probably had a little family practice in his own home town where the major problems were broken bones, not diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. Do you think you’d need that hospital if you grew your own food, worked your land, took your ease on the porch, played cribbage with your neighbors?

Woodstock

Joni Mitchell is my favorite songwriter and singer, and she eloquently expresses the longing in my soul for connection with the land. She wrote this song about the Woodstock festival, and the song is a classic that has been covered by many bands. It was published in her third album Ladies of the Canyon.

I came upon a child of God
He was walking along the road
And I asked him where are you going
And this he told me
I’m going on down to Yasgur’s farm
I’m going to join in a rock ‘n’ roll band
I’m going to camp out on the land
I’m going to try an’ get my soul free

We are stardust
We are golden
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

Then can I walk beside you
I have come here to lose the smog
And I feel to be a cog in something turning
Well maybe it is just the time of year
Or maybe it’s the time of man
I don’t know who I am
But you know life is for learning

We are stardust
We are golden
And we’ve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

By the time we got to Woodstock
We were half a million strong
And everywhere there was song and celebration
And I dreamed I saw the bombers
Riding shotgun in the sky
And they were turning into butterflies
Above our nation

We are stardust
Billion year old carbon
We are golden
Caught in the devil’s bargain
And we’ve got to get ourselves
back to the garden

Joni Mitchell
Copyright © Siquomb Publishing Company

Do you want to move to the land? Try books like Finding & Buying Your Place in Country. For an alternate view, there’s Back from the Land: How Young Americans Went to Nature in the 1970s and Why They Came Back. (I haven’t read that one yet, but the reviews are intriguing and I’ve added it to my wishlist.)

Are you interested in living on the land? What would you like to get out of it? If you do live on the land, what do you like and dislike about it?

I did something yesterday I haven’t done in a long time: I relaxed and did nothing.

Around ten o’clock yesterday morning I laid in the sun for half an hour to produce melanin and vitamin D. Several of my cats joined me but the sun was too hot, so they settled in the shade. It was a very hot day. And it was a lazy day.

After sunning I laid my towel on the grass in the shade and just relaxed. No book. No music. No input but the song of birds, the light rustle of the leaves in the breeze, the buzzing and humming of insects, the intermittent sound of my neighbor’s table saw and the occasional traveler in car and bike.

Toby sprawled out next to me. Aggie groomed herself for an hour beside me, slurping and snorting. Chester climbed the apple tree and then collapsed in the grass. The orange kittens played around and on my body and chased insects and waving weeds. Puddy alternated between resting and tackling a kitten who cried piteously and had to be rescued.

I relaxed for three hours. I and my tribe were at peace (except for the kitten with that big brute Puddy holding him down). I gave little thought to money. I entertained no fear and only a little worry. I just enjoyed the warmth of the air and the companionship of my feline friends.

Overwork of the Self-employed

I’ve been self-employed since 1993, and I’ve worked most weekends. I’ve been selling books online since 2000, and I became obsessive and imbalanced in that work. It consumed all my time and thoughts. How could I think of laying in the grass for three hours when I had so much work to do?

This business and its demise has been the greatest learning experience of my life. It reminds me of a story I read where an employee lost his company a million dollars. When called into his boss’s office he asked, “I suppose you’re going to fire me” to which the boss replied, “Fire you? I just paid a million to train you!”

Perhaps my changed outlook is just a result of mid-life, of hormonal changes. But I imagine that if my business had not begun to fail, that I would still be working weekends, still chasing the elusive dollar to build a life I would at some time in the future enjoy. Always in the future. Work’s gotta get done now. No time for life.

Often the difference between a successful person and a failure is not one has better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on one’s ideas, to take a calculated risk – and to act. –Andre Malraux

I really dislike using the word “fail.” It implies wrongdoing or incompetence and neglects the growth and learning potential inherent in failure. It suggests that success is preferable, when success is just another avenue of growth and learning. Are we humans here to amass riches and entertain ourselves? Or are we here to learn and grow and evolve? Why do we allow failure to dictate our value or contribution?

Actually, my business never failed. It just didn’t generate the cashflow needed in a failing economy to maintain my poor choices. It was my home buying expertise that was lacking. My common sense and judgment are what failed. When I knew it was time to move on to something else, I let fear dictate my inaction.

I’ve succeeded at most things I’ve tried. This is the first time I’ve really “failed.” But did I fail? I don’t think so. I successfully paid my way doing something I loved for a season, then bought into the bigger-is-better model and tried to build my business beyond my interest. I took a risk on something and it didn’t work out. Would I have been better off not risking? Wouldn’t you rather risk new things and possibly fail than just plod along?

Life is risk. Sometimes risk is rewarded with success; sometimes not. But don’t let the failure or success of an endeavor determine your worth or discourage you from risking again. Just learn from it and grow. And risk again.

“Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.” –Katherine Mansfield

I leave you with a great song from one of my favorite Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies, the film Swing Time (1936) with lyrics by Dorothy Fields and music by Jerome Kern.

Pick Yourself Up

[He]
Please teacher, teach me something,
Nice teacher, teach me something.
I’m as awkward as a camel, that’s not the worst,
My two feet haven’t met yet,
But I’ll be teacher’s pet yet,
‘Cause I’m gonna learn to dance or burst.

[She]
Nothing’s impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start All over again.

Don’t lose your confidence if you slip,
Be grateful for a pleasant trip,
And pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again.

Work like a soul inspired,
Till the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired,
But you’ll be a man, my son!

Will you remember the famous men,
Who had to fall to rise again?
So take a deep breath,
Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again.

[He]
I’ll get some self assurance
If your endurance is great.
I’ll learn by easy stages
If you’re courageous and wait.
To feel the strength I want to,
I must hang on to your hand,
Maybe by the time I’m fifty
I’ll get up and do a nifty.

[Both]
Nothing’s impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start all over again.

Don’t lose your confidence if you slip,
Be grateful for a pleasant trip,
And pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again.

Work like a soul inspired,
Till the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired,
But you’ll be a man, my son!

Will you remember the famous men,
Who had to fall to rise again?
So take a deep breath,
Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again.