To everything there is a season, and this is my season of rut. Or rather, being in a rut 
My usual routine is to get up in the morning, make a cup of green tea with a squirt of lemon, and read my emails and blogs to which I subscribe. I’ve recently joined several Yahoo mail groups, and I find myself spending far too much time on email. I love the many things I’m learning, but I am being pulled in too many directions and not getting anything purposeful accomplished.
Sometimes I want to write something here. But the last time I had substantive content was several weeks ago. So there’s this pressure to produce something BIG, and since I’m in a rut, nothing BIG is being produced. And so I don’t post, even though I have something I’d like to write about. I suppose I’m going to have to get over that.
Update on Diet
I’ve continued with a relatively low-carb diet high in meat and fat with the occasional fruit and vegetable. I’ve cheated a lot since November when I intended to give up sugar. I still indulge, but nowhere near as often. I’ve had three Starbucks mochas since then, and have eaten even more portions of ice cream. But most days I have very little sugar, and it’s in fruit if I have it.
For a time I was eating two pomegranates every night after dinner, and now I’m completely finished with pomegranate season. I had my last one last night.
Since November I’ve lost ten pounds. Almost enough to get into the smaller pants that have been waiting for me for over a year. Almost. I’ve dropped two sizes since moving here, and in a few weeks I’ll probably drop another.
But with the weight loss has come a realization of the damage I did to my skin from such high sugar consumption and years of stress. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to get a handle on stress. It’ll wreck your body like nothing else.
I went out to dinner with a few friends over the weekend and ate some wheat bread. The next few days brought back and rib pain, a reminder that wheat just doesn’t work for me anymore.
My body is becoming more sensitive to food with quicker responses following violations. Sometimes I’ll eat something and my heart will start beating really hard and fast. Coffee causes an almost immediate heat and flushing to my face.
Most aches and pains I’ve had over the years are gone, but now for some reason my left shoulder is hurting. I’ve read that some people are sensitive to arachidonic acid, an amino acid found mostly in red meat (but also produced by the body), and the reaction is usually inflammation. I’m hoping that is not the case, considering my stockpile of meat. But I’ve got to get the bottom of this shoulder thing. Maybe it’s from lying on my left side watching TV. I used to lie on my right side, and that’s when my right hip started hurting.
As for memory, I’m not as prone to asking myself, “Why am I here?” in the sense of standing with my head in the fridge and wondering what I wanted. I don’t forget as often why I went to a particular room. And if I do forget, I remember quicker.
My body is also warmer than last year. The heater is set at a slightly lower temperature and my hands are usually warm, which is significant improvement. However, my feet are usually always cold.
I haven’t exercised in years, and I’m now realizing how weak I’ve become. Any sort of exertion and my heart begins pounding like mad. It’s kind of scary. Is something wrong with my heart or am I just out of shape? I’ve started exercising with a kettle bell. A little at a time.
I’m also easily out of breath. I have really done some damage to my body, and it will take time to heal it all. The best step I took was giving up gluten grains. Once my gut is healed from the damage inflicted by inflammatory responses to gluten, it’ll begin absorbing nutrients better and keeping out foreign proteins.
I always wondered why I lost the outer half of my eyebrows. Turns out that’s a sign of low thyroid. I quit using iodized table salt in preference to sea salt. Then I found out that sea salt has no iodine in it. The thyroid needs iodine, and mine wasn’t getting any. Couple that with a few years of emotional stress and voila! Low thyroid. This is simplistic, I realize, but a good starting point. I’m supplementing with iodine, and my eyebrows are slowing growing back.
My eyesight hasn’t improved at all but seems to be getting worse.
Benefits of a Sugar-free Diet
The greatest benefit to going off sugar is the lack of swings in hunger and appetite. When I used to eat predominantly plants, I would obsess about food and eat quite a bit at each sitting. I would eat often. Consuming mostly meat and fat is very satiating and my appetite is much more controllable. I can often go from dinner to dinner without any discomfort.
I’ve also noted that my moods are much more even. Less up and down. It takes more to irritate me. In fact, I’m usually in a very good mood despite being unemployed and in a rut.
Some Simple Things I Learned Last Year
I learned why some cutting boards have a shallow moat around the edge. I learned that the first time I put a roast on a board to rest and the juices dribbled onto the floor for the cats. I also learned why meat must rest: to allow the juices, which have been migrating toward the outside of the meat, to settle back into the meat.
I learned how to cut up and consume a pomegranate with the least mess and most gratifying oral pleasure. I’m not only anal but oral. Maybe from being bottle fed.
I learned how to deglaze a pan.
I learned how to make stew and chicken broth and brined beef tongue.
I learned how to skin, disembowel, and cut up a rabbit.
I learned what chateau briand is. It’s the big, thick part of a beef tenderloin.
I learned that saturated fat is good, vegetable oils are bad, cholesterol doesn’t cause heart disease, and sugar spikes insulin which causes fat deposition.
I learned how to play Texas Holdem.
The Social Scene
Oddly enough, I have developed quite a social life since moving to Erie, and I met most of the people I’ve befriended at Starbucks, a mere five blocks from my home. As is usual, most of my friends are men. I have one female friend and several male friends. But no romantic interests.
My friend Neal introduced me to Texas Holdem. A few taverns host the games. You pay $2 for a drink (water for me) and you can play a tournament. Several tables play at a time, and as players lose their chips, they leave the table. The player with a short stack of chips at a table with many players gets moved to a table with fewer players. Eventually you end up with one table. The winner gets $40 and second place gets $20.
The last time I played about 40 people showed up. I made it to the final table. This is my third time at a particular tavern where I survived until the final table. I lost my chips at third, sixth, and seventh places. Not bad for a beginner. It’s a lot of fun but completely nonproductive, which means it fits in well with my season of rut.
It’s an interesting crowd. Lots of smoking, cussing, fondling and slamming of chips, and the occasional emotional outburst when someone loses or wins. Most players are men. Many nights I have to shove something in my ears because it’s so loud.
My Furry Family
My life is enriched by the relationship I have with my cats. They are annoying and messy. But just engaging a cat for a few minutes makes me smile and fills my body with love.
Pinegar has taken (the late) George’s place at night. He usually starts off at the foot of the bed, but by morning he’s curled up in my arms under the covers. Some time during the night Lyla sneaks under the covers too. She likes to crawl down deep.
Every night Lyla and Pinegar sleep with me, and sometimes I let Arthur and Puddy in as well. But around three in the morning I’m awakened by Puddy mounting and biting someone in the neck. Then he gets kicked out.
Chester Longtail Wobblehouse will visit in the wee hours and scratch the bottom edge of the door. I don’t let her in until morning, and she heads straight for the bed. She’ll scratch the sheets until I lift up the comforter. Then she slides in, I slide in, and we have our little love session. This is the ONLY time she is affectionate with me. The rest of the time she runs away from me. Little freak.
Toby is sick again. She was sick several months ago. Didn’t eat much, vomited, urinated a lot and drank a lot of water. She’s been drinking more water than usual since then. The other day I fed her her normal ration, and because she was still hungry I let her have a bunch more food. Her belly filled up like a ball, and I heard the splat of her vomit in the early morning.
The next day she was hunkered over a box of books I was going to sell on Amazon. I took her off and made a mental note to cover the box because I thought she might throw up in it. I forgot to cover the box. She threw up in it, all over a $130 book and some other expensive books. Intuition worked for me but I didn’t follow up and paid the price.
So What To Do About the Rut?
What’s odd is I hear people say how bored they are. I remember the days when I used to be bored. But these days I’m never bored. I’m happy reading all day just about, and a few days a week going to Starbucks to talk with friends. The occasional poker game. I’m watching Stargate SG-1 again, which was a great show. And I have a ton of books to read.
I’m in a rut. I’m unproductive. There’s a temptation to DO SOMETHING. But sometimes it’s best to just relax and see where it takes me. The trees have all dropped their leaves and they too are in a rut. But they don’t fight it. They just wait until spring when they can begin their new growth.
To everything there is a season. And seasons of rest are followed by great growth.
