I’ve been a member of a discussion board for eight years. Recently, one of the members, Shane, died at a very young age.
In the thread about Shane’s death, many have posted how they knew him, met with him, spoke with him, liked him, respected his knowledge and appreciated his generosity. We don’t know why he died. Suicide is suspected or at least some mental health problem.
But one member of the group, Russ, enjoys being a goad and getting others riled, and he’s known for it. Most consider Russ to be a troll. He left a sarcastic remark in the thread and offended many people. Their responses were along the lines of, “Let’s have some respect,” “Take it somewhere else,” “You’re a horrible, pathetic person, “You’re completely lacking in compassion and integrity.”
I’m certain to rebel any time society expects me to behave in a particular way. “Someone has died: speak in hushed tones, bow your head, show respect.” The question that comes to my mind is, “Why? Why must I respond like you?”
Folks, people are dying all over the planet this very minute. Why is this one death so deserving of respect? Is it because it’s someone we knew? Is it because he died so young? Is it because we don’t know the cause of death? That it might have been a suicide? Yes, it’s close to home and so we react with shock.
The irony is that many people clamoring for respect were the same people being very disrespectful to Russ. They posted really ugly things about and to him, far more ugly than what he posted in the thread.
Did they hate Russ because of what he posted? Or because he wouldn’t show the proper respect, respect they felt the dead and bereaved deserved? Did they hate him because he wouldn’t comply with the mob mentality but flew in the face of it? That he was irreverent?
I posted my views on what was happening in the thread, and many people accused me of sticking up for the trouble maker. When I pointed out their hypocrisy, they wanted me to condemn Russ as well. Only that would validate my viewpoint. Here I was being pressured to conform, to join the mob and condemn Russ.
Why should I condemn him? He wasn’t being a hypocrite like the others. He wasn’t being cruel or insulting, just irreverent. But now I was being lumped with him because I wouldn’t join the crowd. As far as I’m concerned, he has every right to post whatever he wants on a public discussion board. And others have every right to condemn him if they want.
What I tried to address was the hypocrisy of others accusing Russ of being ugly but being ugly themselves toward Russ. They blamed Russ for muddying the waters, but his pebble thrown in the pool didn’t compare to their traipsing into the pool to try to retrieve it. I object to others requiring that everyone view the event the same way or react in the same manner. I object to mob pressure to conform.
Everyone’s experience is unique. We all view reality differently. We all deserve the right to speak our reality without hatred and condemnation. And we all deserve the right to respectfully disagree with others.
There is no one “correct” view. At best we may reach consensus. But when we start allowing others to express themselves, even when it is distasteful, then we can release the burden of trying to force others to comply with our viewpoints. This is true freedom.
There was no reason for Russ to try to stir up the crowd of people who were shocked at the loss of one of their members. No reason in my mind. But I’m sure Russ had a reason. I won’t assume what it might be. I will just ignore him because his contribution didn’t seem relevant.
